new to this

Well as the title says im new at this,
new at blogs, ive only read a few,
but most of all im new at really trying to loose weight, and with saying that im not very good at it!
Take tonight for example, took and amazing 5.5km walk with some good freinds this everning and loved it felt amazing, got in the car drove to the kebab shop ate it at home and finished it off with an easter egg and now feel like crap.

I think a big problem is that i still cant believe i went from a 15 year old girl at Drs offices being told to put on weight your to thin! to at this stage a 84.4kg 26 year old (who has lost 3kg's in the last 2 months so a step in the right direction has been made).

I dont no how i didnt see this coming though, my diet has ALWAYS been shit and its no fault of my parents, they always had plenty of healthy food in the house, but for as long as i can remember (my mum says from about 2 yrs old) ive been ...... i dont no how to explain it but i guess the only word i can use is scared of healthy foods fruit veg salad u name it i struggle to eat it, and its not like i refuse to eat something i dont like, most things i wouldnt no if i like them or not, its just some kind of mental block that is sooooo stupid and i feel ashamed of my stupid problem thats so 1st world, many ppl dont have anything to eat and here i am scared of a bit of lettuce!!!!
I watch cooking shows, see food at cafe's and restaraunts and love the way it looks and smells and cant wait to try it until its there in front of me and i just cant bring myself to do it, its pathetic really and i dont no how my b/f puts up with me, although to give him (and me) credit in the last few years we have added about 20+ new foods to my list of oh thats yummy :) i cant belive i went so long without onion!!!

So u can see why the weight has piled on, it started to pile on with the contaceptive implant, than balloned when i was pregnant and has stayed that way for the last 6 years.
Although i do eat reasonably well (i dont live of take away) most of what i do eat is shit which means i have to work so much harder to burn all the calories.

I quit smoking jan 1st 2012 cold turkey, had the last 3 in my packet that night and never lit another, i didnt think i could do it, my will power with food is so crap that surley it would be the same with smoking but no i did it after 10 years of smoking i gave up cold turkey and ive never been prouder of myself, but with the quitting came even more weight so this years resolution is to channel that will power into my eating, trying new things pushing my mental boundries, and if i wasnt so ashamed of myself id try seek some kind of mental help, but im not ready for that yet one bridge at a time

its been sooo hard keeping all of this secret, my shameful secret that i feel is pathetic and stupid but i know its the reason behind my weight, ive had a good upbringing, worked hard have a great family and i AM happy i truely am happy with my life minus this big issue, im not making excuses, i am the way i am because of me, im to blame and its up to me to change do something about it and make my life 100% happy

I no its not going to be easy but i need to keep seeing each day as a new opportunity for change

xox